Stand

Lately, I have been a hot mess.  I have been absolutely terrified of this upcoming semester.  I have now officially (well, technically I still haven't done so on my records) decided to become a Computer Science major, and I feel soooo out of my element.  I don't know what's going to happen.  I don't know if I'm going to be good at programming, or even like it.  Seriously, I during Christmas break I woke up almost every night from nightmares about not getting a program to work or that my hands are shaking so badly I can't type (both of which have happened...).  In the last couple days, I have had nervous breakdowns where my heart starts racing and I can't breathe.  Last night it all culminated in a frantic, sobbing call to my dad to "talk me off the ledge".

I had to step back and realize that I have enough time to get everything done.  And I don't have to know everything right now--that's the point of going to school!  I'm smart and I work hard.  It's going to be o.k.

Today I went for a run.  About a mile in, I got crazy cramps and I thought I was going to have to turn around.  I was debating what I was going to do, and I decided that I was tired of being a baby.  It was time to push myself instead of not trusting that I can do hard things.  So I did. I pushed through the pain and rain out a decently fast 4.5 miles.

A few weeks ago I was reading a blog where the blogger was talking about why she runs.  Some days, I run to get/stay in shape.  Some days, I run because I have to or because I want to.  Some days, I run because it feels good.  Today, I ran to remind myself that I can overcome any challenge put in my way.

I'm still a hot mess.  But I'm going to be o.k.  I have a wonderful family and great friends who support me, I have faith that the Lord will support and sustain me, and I have confidence that I can do hard things.